This sucks
It all sucks. Everything big fat sucks!
Eduardo and I emailed each other a few times after the break-up. We were going back and forth on his 'reasons' for not wanting to see me anymore. His last email was sent to me around 1am Monday morning. I responded back to him, but then haven't heard from him since. I figured one of two things happened; a) he was just done discussing it because he thought his reasons were valid and wasn't willing to go into further discussion about it or b) I had hit that proverbial nail on the head and he was taking time to think over all of the things I said to him.
I made a girlfriend make me promise that I would NOT email him again, unless he emailed me first. And she has been watching me like a hawk (thank you, girlfriend). I don't want to turn stalker-ish or (worse yet) turn into some whiny crybaby girl. I want to keep my chin held high, and maybe keep that last shred of self-esteem, and move on; if need be.
So, I started to notice yesterday morning that I wasn't receiving any outside emails. In fact, it occurred to me that I hadn't been receiving any outside emails...for days....
Yep, you guessed it. Some ISP screw-up at work has allowed us to send out email, but not receive any. So now, well....let's be honest....I'm a fucking mess. Did he try to email me and it didn't get through? Does he think I'm pissed off at him because I never responded to an email he sent? Is he, at this very moment, sitting at home on his day off thinking I don't want to see him this weekend because I never emailed him back saying yes?
Yes, I am quite aware I'm neurotic, thank you for asking. I am well aware that there is the STRONG possiblity that he hasn't emailed me a single fucking time. I realize that at this moment he could very well be planning a date for tomorrow night...with someone else. I know that there is the chance that I will never speak to, hear from, or see this man every again in my entire life....
And it breaks my heart...
So, instead, I sit here at this moment, cursing my email and saying mean things about the IT guy. Stupid fucking ISP...
posted by ƒåυνέ @ 1:34 PM
3 Comments:
ok, you're gonna hate me for saying this..but here goes. He knows your phone number right? Knows where you live....so if he wanted to get ahold of you this week, he could have. So maybe it's good his emails didn't come through, it was his call to end your relationship, if he changed his mind..he would have called you..spoke to you..
Let him go, you deserve a man who will fight for you. A man that if he makes a mistake, will own up to it in person, not behind the relative safety of electronic mail.
Hang in there girl, you deserve to be wanted 100%, not just when it's easy.
One quick phone call to let him know your ISP has been glitching since Monday, and ask if he's sent any emails. If he says no, thank him and say you're just checking with everyone you receive emails from regularly and tell him you hope he's doing well. Then let it go. If yes, then discuss rationally.
:: smoochies ::
That is total bullshit. Not knowing is the worst. worst!
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