Long winded

Let's play catch-up, shall we? We'll start with the exciting match up of The Thing vs. The Paperweight, since that's where I left off. The Paperweight was totally jealous of The Thing this weekend. I'm sure, no matter how much of an asshole you are, it can't be easy to see your new ex-wife in love with another man or to see your kids made so happy by said man. However, if your jealousy turns you in to an even bigger asshole? That's not the way to win back the hearts of your children. So Sunday night, after my Thing left, was a little tense. The kids, The Girl especially, were talking up a storm about The Thing when The Paperweight stopped in for a visit. He left in a huff after managing to start an argument with each one of us.

However, there seems to be a silver lining, though I'm hesitant to get too excited. The last three days have actually been pretty good. Perhaps The Paperweight finally came to his senses and realized that being an asshole was only going to push his kids farther away. Or perhaps it's just a case of macho-male-pride and we have a competition going. Whatever the reason, I really don't care because the kids and I are benefiting. The Paperweight has been so goddamn nice it's disgusting. On top of being on time with the child support, he plunked down a wad extra so that I could buy more Christmas presents for the kids. He spent time with them last night and even took The Boy to buy the equipment he needs for hockey season. And the health insurance information I've been asking him to get for me since June magically appeared in my Inbox today. I don't know how long this will last, but I'm going to enjoy it while it's here.

Then there is Wilma. After careful consideration, I sent her an email declining her invitation to dinner. Perhaps I should have left it at that, but I didn't because…well…because I'm me. And being me, I told her why I was declining her manipulative gesture. Of course, I received a response not long after and of course, it's all my fault. What's my fault? Everything. As always. Her bad marriage. My bad marriage. Fred's bi-polar disorder. Her arthritis. Global warming. So, yeah…I'm glad I turned down the invitation. I'd rather cook Christmas dinner myself [cringe] then to put myself and the kids through that. Though, I found it interesting that my sister emailed me today, a mere 12 hours later, asking what day would be good for her to come to my house to visit me while she's in town. Seems that the news that I will not be attending has gotten around rather quickly. And I'm terribly curious as to what Wilma said to my sister, though I'll never ask.

Also, I've been tagged by KaraMia and even though she considers snorting a 'weird' thing, in lieu of the 'hottness' we all know it truly is, I shall play along...

Here are the rules:

Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

SIX WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME:

1. I can not sleep in a messy bed. I have to make the bed before I can sleep in it.
2. My bra and panties have to match; same color, same brand. Always. For example, I could never wear a pink VS bra and white Hanes panties. I'd feel weird all day. The Thing is fascinated by this quirk of mine. He asked the other day what would happen if, say, a bra from a set got ruined, would I refuse to wear the panties? The answer is, yes. The panties would be retired until I could replace the bra.
3. Okay, yeah...I snort when I laugh. Often.
4. I collect things. Anything. It doesn't matter what it is, if you are a friend of mine and you gave me something, I'll save it. Does it matter that it is a Styrofoam cup you drew on, a picture of your nostril hair or a post-it note that says 'bastard'? Nope. I'll keep it forever.
5. This one cracks up The Thing as well; I've seen Ted Nugent in concert 4 times - more then I've seen anyone else. I don't listen to his music nor have any of his CDs for that matter, but he's hysterical in concert and worth the whopping $20 to get in.
6. I hate closet doors left open. And I mean hate. I don't know why, but I always have. If I was rushing to leave a burning building and saw a closet door standing open, I'd risk my life to go back and shut it.

And I will tag LoisLane, Jac, Contrary, The Immortals, Rose, and angela marie.

The Thing wants me to use the word laquacious but this is the only way I could fit it in

But if you want to hear how the weekend went, you'll need words like these:
best kind, beyond compare, boss, capital, champion, chief, choicest, cool, crowing, culminating, excellent, finest, first, first-class, first-rate, foremost, greatest, highest, incomparable, inimitable, leading, matchless, nonpareil, number one, optimum, outstanding, paramount, peerless, perfect, pre-eminent, premium, prime, primo, principal, sans pareil, super, superlative, supreme, terrific, tops, transcendent, unequaled, unparalleled, unrivaled
(Thank you thesaurus.reference.com)

Um, yeah.
The weekend rocked.

The Thing arrived around noon on Friday and stayed through until Sunday evening. Both kids at different points during the weekend, came to me and told me they thought The Thing was cool. The Girl was won over almost immediately and by the time my Thing left, she had a major crush going and there were even a couple times when I saw her take his hand when they were walking together. For The Boy; after hearing my plans to have The Boy rake my (huge) yard Friday afternoon, The Thing came prepared with his leaf blower. He scored additional points with The Boy when he not only let him use the leaf blower, but when The Thing also picked up a rake and proceeded to help The Boy clean the back yard.

Granted, I know there is a 'honeymoon period' going on, but it was also a real weekend, which was very important for us to see. This wasn't a weekend of the two of us hiding from the world and losing ourselves in each others eyes (which is very easy to do with The Thing). Instead, it was a weekend with two kids, leaf raking, bed time routines, a jealous ex-husband, bowling, Noggin, a broken freezer door, swingsets and a potty accident at the store.

And I fucking loved every second of it.

And so did the kids.

And so did The Thing.

And The Paperweight...is going to be a problem...

'Tis the season

I received a card in the mail last week from Fred & Wilma. It was a standard 'Wishing you the best at Thanksgiving' type of card with the standard Fall colors, a picture of a turkey on the front, and sappy poem inside. There was also a handwritten note from Wilma, completely neglecting to actually mention the Thanksgiving holiday and instead informed me that my sister was flying in for Christmas and asking me to RSVP for Christmas dinner so that she would know "whether or not to buy presents".

This is the woman who hasn't spoken to me in almost 4 months. And from what I hear from my siblings, I'm the reason we don't communicate; she has told them that I refuse to talk to her. [sigh] Which explains the holidays, at least to me. None of my siblings, who all live out of state, are coming in for Thanksgiving. However, at Christmas, there will be 'witnesses'…How can she continue to make me at fault if she doesn't save face by inviting me to Christmas dinner? And the kicker? She knows full well that I can not accept the invitation, thereby declaring a victory for herself. Knowing how she feels about me, knowing what she has both said and done to me, how can I put myself in harms way by going to her home? Besides, I'm just not that dishonest. I refuse to put on a false mask just to save face. That's more Wilma's style then mine.

So do I ignore the card? Send her an email? Call her?!?! I've considered imitating (ie., mocking) her tone and sending a formal return RSVP card. Sarcasm, yeah, that's more my style.

What I'd like to do this year, is kidnap The Thing, The Boy, and The Girl and hold up in a hotel with hot chocolate and lots of presents and neglect to mention to anyone the name and address of our location...

Speaking of The Thing, The Boy, and The Girl; they will be meeting for the first time this weekend. My Thing will arrive Friday afternoon (or morning if my subliminal messages have been working) and will spend the weekend. So you won't be hearing from me for a few days. Unless, of course, The Thing bolts from my house terrified, in which case, I'll be on here blathering bitter diatribes.

I'm a goober

The 'Dave Matthews' I met was not the friend who found my blog. Apparently, the Thing has numerous friends and they all have the same friggin name....I'm just going to have to meet them all so I can give them nicknames to keep them straight. The Thing suggested a few, but I don't think I could use any of them with a straight face. So as of yet, I still haven't met the guy (and recently I found out, his girlfriend as well) who reads this blog. I think I've seen the girlfriend via MySpace, but perhaps all of the Thing's female friends share the same name as well so I'm refraining from contact until I have confirmation from My Thing. Written. In blood.

And I have a Fred & Wilma update. But you'll have to wait until tomorrow because I have some serious fucking around at work to do right now.

Panic attacks, yellow roses and the Baltimore Ravens

Yes, I had an interesting weekend….
Things at work, something I don't normally discuss here (only once ever, I believe), suck. Extremely tense, stressful and going down hill fast with no end in sight except for it to suck worse. I, being the normal hard ass that I am, have sucked it up nicely and kept right on plowing through. That's what I do; I get shit done regardless of the conditions of my surroundings and how much has to be done. I should just get the Nike Swoosh tattooed on my ass and be done with it. My hard work, diligence, persistence and 'just do it' attitude finally paid off Friday morning. I ended up in the local ER with chest pains, dizziness, shortness of breathe, high blood pressure and a numbness in one of my hands. Ah, yes, every middle aged woman's dream…
Rest assured, since I'm sitting here blogging in lieu of sleeping in a hospital bed, I am fine. Two chest x-rays, an EKG, blood work and an hour and a half of being on a heart monitor says I'm fine. The two doctors that saw me…

Yes, two. The ER visit alone contains enough fodder for numerous blog entries so I'm not going into much detail here. Let me just say, if you ever have to go to the ER, take Girlfriend with you.

….say that it was panic attack, stress, anxiety, whatever you want to call it. Basically? I need a fucking break. So I went back to my office long enough to schedule a 10 day vacation for December, grab my car keys, and then drove down early to spend the weekend with my Thing.

[sigh] The Thing completely spoiled, pampered and loved me dearly all weekend, starting with the numerous bouquets of yellow roses (my favorite) which he had spread through out the house. Once again, it was an amazing weekend, though I'm not going to get all gushy here again (yeah, I'm completely lying. See video at the end, or just click here because I'm stupid about some things and it may not work). And, luckily, it will only be days until I see him again instead of two weeks. The Thing is coming to my house Friday afternoon, to meet the kids and spend the weekend.

The Thing and I went out Saturday and one of the many things we did, was to stop at a bar just outside of Baltimore, where a friend of his was playing with the band that night. The friend, whom I shall refer to as Dave Matthews (simply because I can and it amuses me to no end to do so) happens to be the same friend who found my blog. While Dave Matthews was an awesome drummer, the music (aside from a couple songs I honestly really liked) was…uh…okay, it sucked. It wasn't bad enough that I was willing to stab The Thing in the head with a fork (per his suggestion) in order to put him out of his misery but it was bad enough for us to amuse ourselves with snide comments. Though, we probably would have done that anyway.
And, you see, I'm a Pittsburgh girl…and I was in a bar in Baltimore…the only thing worse, besides a fork in the head, would have been to be sitting in a bar in Cleveland…While I'm not a huge Steelers fan, nor a big fan of sports in general, I have spent my entire life in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh = Crazy Sports Fanatics. I think some of it must have seeped in or perhaps they stick something in our water, but the Raven paraphernalia was freaking me out.

Yes, I am a dork...

Yeah, it's been a week since I've posted. Want to know why? I have absolutely nothing to bitch about. [sigh] those were the days....
[snort]

The Boy and The Girl are happy and healthy.
The Paperweight has been well-behaved and even [knock on wood] nice.
Fred and Wilma are still ignoring me, which is good because the holidays are fast approaching and I hate going there. I've been invited to my sister-in-law's home for Thanksgiving this year.
And The Thing...
Well...
you know...

Am I "smitten"? no
Am I "starting to like him"? no

I've gone ahead and fallen in love. But shhh! don't tell anyone, k?
Yes, it's only been 4 weeks. And I've tried telling myself "slow down!" But, it's not like I'm doing anything about it...We haven't eloped or moved in together or even have any such thoughts to do so. So there really isn't anything to slow down. I'm just enjoying the feeling. I'm enjoying him.

And I've decided that everyone needs a Starter Marriage. Get married to whomever when you are much too young to know what's good for you. It makes you much more grateful and appreciative later.

I so rock

At least Thing 1 and his cousin think so. Yep, the surprise pop-in visit was a huge success. The cousin (who I was considering naming Cousin It, just because it works well with the Thing and there is the whole 'cousin' appropriateness. However, I worry that it doesn't sound good, kwim? Because she is very cool and way hott. Seriously, I am so glad they are related. Anyway, would that be considered offensive even though that's not the way it's intended?) …..where the hell was I now? Of yes; The cousin was very excited to meet me, which took me a little by surprise, but in a good way. I was very flattered. We talked for about 40 minutes and were very comfortable with each other. I can easily see why her and Thing 1 are so close; they are very much alike.

I only had one problem. Her store. She sells shoes. Way cool shoes. I am a shoe horse. I own like 30 pair. I love love love shoes. Did I mention she sells way cool shoes? I had to consciously advert my eyes away from the shoes and maintain eye contact while I was talking. Because I knew that if I started looking, I'd fall in love. And if I fell in love, I'd have to buy. And if I bought, she would think I was just being a total kiss-ass. [sigh] Not the first impression I'd want to make. I'll have to go back in disguise and shop….

Anyway, we hit it off fabulously and I whipped out my digital camera and said "You know we totally have to fuck with the Thing, right?" and good sport that she is got someone else in the store to take a picture of us. She said, however, that I would have to send the picture immediately because she didn't know how long she could hold off on calling the Thing to discuss our visit. She even admitted that she had intended on calling him the second I walked out of the store.

Back at my office, I had the girlfriend (and I so need to think of a name for her too since I talk about her so damn much. Maybe just formalize it to Girlfriend?) who had been fucking with the Thing all morning, taunting him with "I've got a secret" emails, download the photo. She then replied to Thing's "what secret?" email, stating simply "I am a great photoshopper." Then attached the picture of me and the cousin.

My office phone thus rang. LOL

He admitted it took him a full minute of thinking "How the hell did she find a picture of my cousin" before it sunk in and then he called to tell me how cool I am and get all the details of what I thought of her. Then he got off the phone with me and called the cousin, who apparently thinks I'm just as cool as I think she is. We've already made plans to go out together the next time Thing 1 is in town. Perhaps I'll get her drunk and steal the keys to her shop.

*Correction to yesterday's post. The exact term wasn't "all gushy", it was "all lovey and stuff" :)

It's hard to be bitter when you're happy

Forget about Thing 1's new name, I may need suggestions for a new blog name….lol

And yes, I'm going to keep the title 'Thing 1' for a while until something else jumps out at me. I'll know it when I hear it. Or perhaps my new lurker would like to suggest a name for Thing 1? Yep, I'm talking to you…No, you…over there….the one who has stopped in to read about my life in between reading his boss's email. [smirk] Aw, yes…you…..Thing 1 told me you found my blog and I'm quite flattered that you've found me waste-time-at-work worthy. Any suggestions on a new and improved name for my Thing?

But yes, things with the Thing have progressed quite nicely and I'm happy.

And I'm spending my lunch hour today messing with one of his cousins so it should be interesting. I'll give a full report in the morning.

What?

You want more details? Sheezzz

[evil grin]

Okay…...Apparently, the Thing likes to talk about me. Quite a bit actually. And I, of course, am totally flattered. But, he is particularly close to a cousin of his (a woman about my age) and the two of them have discussed me to the point that the Thing has confessed it and says she wants to meet the woman who has "finally made him all gushy".

And this cousin of his just happens to own a store about 6 minutes from my office.

So I'm headed over on my lunch break today to introduce myself. And no, neither one of them know I am doing this. And I, shall be amused….

Suggestions?

In light of my totally awesome weekend with Thing 1 and his cat (who adores me because I spoiled him rotten....um, the cat I'm referring too....actually, that statement is accurate in both cases so forget I said that...um, yeah...)

Anyway, I believe Thing 1 deserves a new name. Or would that be too confusing? So give me a vote - keep Thing 1 or change it? and if changed, to what?

**Note:
I actually posted from Thing 1's house over the weekend, but it seems to have been sucked off into the vast void of cyber space. Anyway, Thing 1 knows about this blog, but has sworn he will never ever read it without my permission. Shall we take bets? Honestly, though I didn't tell him this, I wouldn't really mind if he did. I am who I am and I don't want to 'impress' him. If he's going to like me, I want him to like me for who I really am. And where else am I more 'real' then here?

Things that make you go awwwwwwww

My girlfriend/co-worker, the one that set up the divorce party for me and then managed to hook me up in the bar, called me. She made me promise to keep my trap shut (so of course, I have to blog about it, lol. But you guys won't tell, right?) because she was sworn to secrecy (so of course, she called me like a good girlfriend should).
Apparently, Thing 1 tracked her down via email and grilled her with questions - my favorite foods, drinks, wine preferences, etc. - so that he could have all of my favorites on hand for my visit...

Busy little bee

I have been so busy this week and it seems that the rest of the week will be worse. ::sigh:: So forgive me if I don't make my blog rounds until next week, but if anything truly exciting happens, leave me a comment to let me know!! Lord forbid I miss out on anything, right?

As for me, I've been invited to Thing 1's house this weekend and hell, yes I'm going. I was a little nervous about the whole thing (see the last few posts regarding Thing 1 vs. Eduardo) but I've managed to get over myself. How? you ask....actually Thing 1 did it. During another marathon phone conversation Monday night, I told him about the whole Eduardo...thing...

Thing 1's reaction? He burst out laughing. He quickly apologized, and then burst out laughing again. I sat in stunned silence on the other end of the line. We then discussed it and I went over everything in my head again. And it was like hearing it for the first time from an outsider's point of view. Eduardo broke up with me for some dumbass reasons. And do you know what that means? Eduardo was a dumbass and the breakup had nothing to do with me.

And the whole similarity thing between the two of them? We discussed that too and Thing 1 was very understanding and very reassuring. And then this was my horoscope the next day:

You're convinced that this bout of deja vu is really nothing new, but the stars beg to differ. So the same people, places and situations keep popping up, but your sense of connection is totally different. Why is that?

Yeah...so why is that?