Fork in the Head Friday: The Damn Shaniqua! You need to get yourself some douche* Edition
So where did we leave off? Oh yes, The Paperweight thought it would be a good idea to ruin my life, uh, I mean...my bathroom floor due to a leaking toilet**. I sent him the 'you need to pay for this' email on Monday. I did not hear a word about it until yesterday. I was going to post about it last night but figured it would make a beautiful Fork in the Head Friday.
The Paperweight called me at the office late yesterday afternoon and straight off said, "I want to make you an offer." um....you're scared now too, aren't you?
Me: 'Okay, an offer for what?'
Ass: 'I'll remove the rest of the tile from the bathroom and install the new tile'
Me: 'Um'
Ass: 'I do feel bad that I messed up the floor so I'll install the new tile'
Me: 'Um, well, thank you. But I can install flooring, that's not really the big deal. It's who's going to pay for this new flooring?'
Ass: 'Oh, I'm even offering to pay for it.'
Me: sitting in stunned silence. Do I point out that this is not an offer but a demand I made 4 days ago that he has ignored up until this point? Or do I just let it go and get my damn floor fixed?
Yeah, you know me. I know he's an ass. You know he's an ass. If he needs to live in his delusional little world where he's a stand up guy by 'offering' to pay for his ex-wife's new floor, well fine. But I want my fucking new floor and I want The Paperweight to pay for it. If he needs to do this shit in order to feel better about it, I'll let it go. And shove another fork in the forehead of the Voodoo doll.
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* Said by Girlfriend at the office yesterday and we both thought it would make a damn fine post name. Don't you agree?
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**It is said that the direction water flows down a drain (clockwise or counterclockwise) is dependent on which side of the equator you live on. The Thing swears my toilet flushes in the 'wrong' direction. This theory is called The Coriolis Effect, though it is actually just an urban myth. So it is quite possible my toilet goes down the "wrong" way, but it really has nothing to do with me me living over a hell mouth or anything. Though I do.
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As you've probably heard, a group has organized a petition to Gov. Schwarzenegger to grant clemency to Paris Hilton. Here's a petition asking him not to:
posted by ƒåυνέ @ 8:09 AM
7 Comments:
god love your patience
yeah, like mad, i love your patience. you've got tons of it. i'd rather wring his neck, read his obit, have a travel mug full of coffee while shopping for new floor tiles at the home depot, and play various versions of "ding dong" the witch is dead while laying new flooring. i think that would make me happier.
have a superb weekend.
thanks for visiting dani!
You are such a nicer person that me. My ex just managed to pay $70 of the $276 in support he was supposed to pay on May 1. And that doesn't even include the $155 he owes in medical expenses for the kids. Ugh. Pass the fork!
I actually have no choice in my visitations now considering how I read this entire blog in 2 sittings. (Thanks to you Jac) It has become imperative that I stay in the know. Especially when you consider that I am quite sure The Paperweight snd my own much loathed Assbag are really twins seperated at birth. Maybe they could meet up at MySpace or somewhere, get in touch with their feminine sides, and fall madly in love. I am sure they would make an awesome couple. But that would be incest....ah, well.....
Ditto what Jacque said!
The Paperweight could very well take ages to lay the floor himself, not to mention completely eff it up. Way too much room for error. And be sure to get the leaky toilet seal fixed at the same time, so you can tile under it. I hope you'll find a way to make The Paperweight pay for that too. *wink*
Happy Mother's Day Fauvie!
Forgot to mention -- I'm SOOO glad the petition about Paris is up near 20k now. I signed it when it was around 2700 or 2800 I think. I can't believe she's petitioning for leniency. Could she be any more out of touch with reality?
For the record, it was "Damn Shaniqua! You need to get you some douche!".
: )
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