Okay, everyone together now...THANK YOU LINDA!

While I've been distracted by the school saga, the doctor bullshit has continued to get deeper as well. Which ended up being kind of school related as well, but for The Girl, not The Boy.

Last year, I was stupid. I know, I didn't tell you about it at the time. I figure, what you don't know, you don't know, so it all works out, you see? Anyway, The Girl was missing an MMR shot and couldn't start Kindergarten until I took her to the doctor's, got her the shot, she started school, and then I was stupid.
You see, I didn't write down the MMR shot on her immunization log. So, when I registered her here for First Grade and they copied down her immunizations, she's showing one short. And on the 17th, the new school called and informed me she was missing an MMR shot.

As I mentioned before the people at The Girl's new school have always been very friendly and helpful (see?! I'm not always a whiny bitch). Linda, the school's nurse who called me, was very understanding when I explained the above and said I could just have my doctor's office fax the record of the shot.

Um

This is the same doctor's office I've been trying to get to fax my medical information to the new doctor's office since June 23.

Seriously.

And I explained this to dear Linda. And then called the doctor's office again and asked the flavor-of-the-month receptionist to please fax the info to the school. And while she was at it, to please please pretty please fax my medical information to my new doctor.
Uh, not her job. (and I can so see her cocking her head to the side and giving me the talk-to-the-hand shit while she says it too)

So every two or three days I would call Linda to see if the information had arrived and then would call talk-to-the-hand-job girl and leave another message when it didn't.

Then came Monday.

Enter Linda.

Linda decided on Monday that this was a getting to be a little ridiculous (ya think?) and decided it's summer and she really had nothing better to do and asked for the doctor's number so she could call herself to ask for The Girl's information.

Repeatedly.

Every hour, in fact.

Until call number 4 around lunchtime when Linda called me back to let me know about the little fax she was currently holding in her hand and that The Girl would be able to start school on time.

Of course, I talked to the new doctor's office today and do you think that while they were faxing one thing yesterday that they would bother to fax the other? Um, no. So still no doctor's appointments for me and I had to call hand job girl again.

I wonder if Linda is still bored?

In To Stupidity Part Douche

Since I know you're all waiting with baited breath to see how my meeting at the high school went, I shall delay no further. You're probably thinking, what could possibly happen now that she has all of the paperwork filled out AND an appointment...well let me tell you....

It really is partly my own fault because as I left the house that morning, I said to The Thing, 'so how much you want to bet something gets fucked up?'
So I arrive 5 minutes before the scheduled appointment so as to avoid the I'm-not-seeing-you-because-you're-late scenario but never made it past the Receptionist.

Recept-o-cunt: Where's your son?
Most-Intelligent-Lovely-Fauve: My son?
R.O.C.: You're registering your son, right? Where is he? He's supposed to be here?
M.I.L.F.: [trying to play it cool though temperature is already simmering] Did you tell me he was supposed to be here?
R.O.C.: What?
M.I.L.F.: I've spoken to you twice; once in person and again on the phone - Either time, did you tell me he was supposed to be here?
R.O.C.: I just assumed you would know that.
M.I.L.F.: [suppressing a snort which came out as a half-scoff] How would I know that if you didn't tell me?
R.O.C.: Well, where is he?
M.I.L.F.: He's in Pennsylvania with his father. If you told me this appointment was for him too, he'd be here.
R.O.C.: I just assumed you would know he should be here.
M.I.L.F.: [not even remotely trying to suppress snorting, scoffing or anger] I didn't need him when I registered him for private school as a child. I didn't need him when I registered him for public school a few years ago. And I know it's not a Maryland thing because I didn't need The Girl when I registered her 3 weeks ago at her new school. So how in the hell would I know that he needed to be here if you didn't tell me? And why are you giving me such a hard time?
R.O.C.: I'm not trying to give you a hard time. Here, let me see your paperwork and I'll see what I can do.

I hand her paperwork and she disappears. She returns empty-handed about 10 minutes later.

R.O.C.: Where are his transcripts from his old school? They aren't here. We can't help you if we don't have his transcripts.
M.I.L.F.: [so angry I'm on the verge of tears] First of all, once again, no one told me I had to have his old transcripts in hand when I registered. Second of all, I've called his old school and told them to send them to you. If you haven't received them yet...
R.O.C.: [interrupting me] well they're not here so we can't do anything for you. I don't know what you expect us to do.

Now remember, I still haven't even seen the person I had scheduled an appointment with. So this is where I totally went off the fucking deep end. I'll admit that. Once again, I hit my limit, but at least it wasn't Thing I yelled at this time. The school's office had about 5 other people in it, besides us, and you could have heard a pin drop as they all stopped to watch and listen.
I'll spare you the word-by-word blow because I don't remember it exactly. Besides, I don't think the Universe could handle that stream of obscenities again without a star imploding somewhere. It started with her list of offenses and my opinions on her IQ and ended with me in tears of frustration looking around and screaming at each of them "And why is everyone in Maryland just so fucking mean?!"
And when no one offered any explanations, I announced I was moving back to Pennsylvania and stormed out of the office.

One of my classier moments, no?

I've fallen in to stupidity and I can't get up

Apparently, Verizon was just trying to break me in.

I have discovered, that in Maryland, doctors won’t even schedule you an appointment if you do not have a copy of your current medical records. In Pennsylvania, it is against the law for a doctor to give medical records to their patients. You can see your records whenever you want, but you are not allowed possession of them. This conundrum makes it very difficult for someone with both a thyroid condition and skin cancer to see a doctor.
I finally just picked a doctor, told them the deal, got a fax number, and am trying to get mine and the kids records faxed (though they still won’t make me an appointment until they actually receive the records). However, the-flavor-of-the-month at the front desk of my old doctor’s office can’t seem to grasp the urgency in this matter as I’ve called 3 times in the last week and still no records. Probably because F.O.T.M. is not even old enough to have her period yet, so medical concerns in general are probably a little beyond her.

Of course, the point is moot unless you have lots of money because now insurance is an issue. Health insurance for me and the kids is still provided by The Paperweight (yes, I did write my own divorce agreement and yes, I am good). However, while the insurance company assured me before I moved that there were tons of providers in Maryland, they forgot to mention that only 1 of these was a general practitioner and not a podiatrist and he was an hour and a half away and he wasn’t currently accepting new patients. Okay, fine. I’ve paid cash to see doctors outside my insurance plan before…except that they seem to be charging an average of $100 more per visit here (assuming you don’t want them to actually do something, like a physical for example, because that would cost more. And yes, I actually had one nurse/receptionist tell me that when I was calling around) (and assuming you have your previous medical records otherwise you’re not even getting in the door). Okay, fine. So I’ll bite the bullet, sign up for health insurance through my office, which is accepted everywhere, and have The Paperweight give me the insurance cost in cash instead to make up for it. Or so I thought. The price tag to cover me and the two kids through my office’s plan is $1167.38.
Per Month.
No, I’m not joking.

So after a month long stay with The Paperweight, The Girl is here with us. Per her request, I signed her up for swimming classes this summer. I found sessions that her and I can do together at the local YMCA. Unfortunately, they started before her move, but the Register assured me it would be no problem and pointed out that otherwise the next session didn’t start until September. So I signed us up. So class #3 was class our #1, which the dickhead instructor pointed out when we showed up. Loudly. Repeatedly. Incessantly…
Until I finally pointed out that if he had come and helped us, perhaps we could have moved down from Pennsylvania faster and at a more convenient time for him.

The MVA’s website (and why can’t they be DMV like everyone else?) says that for my driver’s license and title transfer I need to call and make an appointment. So I called all one friggin day getting a busy signal until finally I get through, probably because it’s now after 4:30 and they’re closed. And the recorded message states that for out-of-state transfers to bring your paperwork to your local office, not need for an appointment….
How convenient.
So I go to the MVA/DMV this morning and this nice lady at the information desk gives me a number for my new license and a form to fill out for the title. However, since she’s under the impression my number for my license is going to be called quickly and she doesn’t want me to miss it, she gives me a clip board to fill out this form while I’m waiting instead of filling it out at the back counter per usual standards. She informs me to make sure to bring my form (and her clipboard) back though as soon as possible. Which I did, when I finished and my number still hadn’t been called. However, she simply handed the form back to me and informed me I needed to take it and fax it to yada yada yada…
and the hurry to fill out this form was because???

I did meet some of the nicest people when I registered The Girl for Elementary school. I stopped over and they gave me the district forms, doubles even when I told them about The Boy. I dropped them back off a week later, they made copies of her birth certificate and immunization records. Done deal.
I went to the High School next, with forms and records in hand for The Boy, and the lady at the front desk said I needed to make an appointment. Granted, she was awful busy filing her nails and trying to keep her two daughters from misbehaving at the next work station as they screwed around on the computer, but seriously, an appointment? With who? Why? Okay, fine. Except lazy ass won’t even make me the appointment. She gave me the phone number instead and said I had to call and make an appointment… next week...
So I call the next week to make an appointment, and I swear to God that this woman told me that first I had to come in and pick up forms before she’d schedule me an appointment. And I swear on all that is holy it took all of my strength to not walk the 5 blocks over to the school and beat this woman senseless. So I ‘mention’ that 1) I already had all of the appropriate forms and 2) it’s a good thing I did have the forms already since I was just in there last week and she sent me away telling me to call and make an appointment. To which she put me on hold.

Note to anyone directly or remotely in public relations, never put a pissed off woman on hold. Never. I don’t care if your hair is on fire. Don’t do it. It’s a bad move. Especially when pissed off woman is only 5 blocks away from where you are and knows what you look like.

So I have an appointment for tomorrow morning. The Girl has been registered for more than 3 weeks now. I hope to God the teachers are more competent than the support staff or The Boy (with his 160 IQ) is going to have a fucking field day.

And this is on top of the normal work 40 hours a week, raise 2 kids, unpack in a new house, with absolutely no support system because you are at least 3 hours away from all of your much loved friends and living again with a boy. Yes, The Thing is wonderful and blah blah blah. But he’s still a boy. Sure, he’s cute and has nice muscles and is amazing in bed, but he still leaves his clothes on the floor and hates to do dishes and creates weird smells.
I miss being able to see my friends without scheduling a date.
I miss going to the store and running in to people I know.
I miss going to the store and not getting lost on the way back.

And the people here are stupid.
And I’m not just saying that because I’m homesick.
Cause I’m not.
They really are stupid.
Shuttup.