I thought we could all use a good laugh today

My horoscope for today: January 31, 2006 Romance takes a front seat in your concerns today, Fauve, as you're probably feeling especially passionate. This is definitely a great day to plan an intimate evening with a lover! Make use of candles, muted lights, and soft music! You're also apt to be feeling especially passionate about your other interests, whether they be intellectual, creative, or business-oriented. Therefore, you can expect to spend a lot of time pursuing your passions - whatever they are!

Ain't that just a kick in the teeth?

I had lunch with 'the girls' yesterday. I was gone a few hours. Came home to the Paperweight asleep on the couch and the house trashed. You know, the norm. So I woke him up and asked, "how'd things go?" He ignored me. My kids both greeted me with hugs and asked if I had a good time. We chatted for a little while, then I hung up my coat and started cleaning up the debris. Paperweight storms off. I go outside a couple minutes later for a smoke and he comes out and starts on me; why am I so pissed off? why am I giving him an attidute? you know, the norm. I, irrational woman that I am, asked him what in the hell he was talking about. The cleaning. That's what did it. He "knew" I was pissed at him because I started cleaning the house. Duh, why didn't I figure that one out on my own. So I did what I've been doing lately - refused to fight. He's following me around the house trying to pick so I'd just pick myself up and go somewhere else. About 6:30 that evening, I see him put on his coat and head out the door. Not a word about where he was going.

He came home at 11 am this morning.

Yep, you read that correctly. I tried his cell three times between 6 am when I awoke to find him still gone and 11 - no answer, no return call.

I was livid.

Okay, call me a heartless bitch - you may be thinking, accident? illness? did he drop dead? I considered those things briefly, then decided I'm just not that damn lucky. The third and final message (about 20 minutes before he came home) said "Your shit's on the back porch. If it's still there tonight, I'm throwing it away." And yes, his shit really was on the back porch. With his wedding ring propped on top. You know that ring? the one he said he lost but I found it in his sock drawer? Yeah, that wedding ring.

Anyway, about 11 am I hear a noise at my front door. It was him but he couldn't get in because I had the screen door locked. I guess his intention was to just saunter in 16 hours later like nothing had happened. I sent the kids to play in the other room and informed him through the window that his shit was on the backporch. He took his shit and left.

I talked to him via phone a couple hours later. He asked if he could come see the kids and grab some more stuff. I said fine, but you need to leave your house keys and take your bills with you. He came, I disappeared in the bedroom, he spent some time with the kids. Grabbed his belt on the way out the door, left the bills, kept his house keys. After he was gone, I was informed by our son, "Dad says he's moving out. He got an apartment by my school. Are you guys getting divorced?"

::snort::

So I've spent the last two days giving my darling husband exactly what he wants - time alone; complete 'him' time. i.e. I've been ignoring him. Well, not exactly ignoring. I've just gone my own way, taking care of myself and the kids. I was thinking to myself yesterday morning "what exactly am I fighting for?" So I spent that day and evening considering at various moments - what would be different if he was gone. Well, I washed the dishes after dinner and thought 'well, there'd be less dishes'....and I did laundry and I thought 'well, there'd be less laundry'.....and when I finally got a few minutes to sit down and unwind I thought, 'well, there are four of us and only three televisions so I'd actually get to watch something besides Dora once in a while.' Other then that, I couldn't think of any other way my life would change. Affection? Sex? Dates? Romance? Conversation? Can't lose what you don't have. What would he be losing? His cheerleader. His supporter. The person who makes his life comfortable. The person who cares. Hmmm So this begs the question (at least for me it does) why? Why would he want to leave? Yeah, I agree. I don't think I'm getting the whole story either. So anyway, I get this phone call today. He's kind of hesitant on the other end.....He says, "I've noticed there's been some tension between us. Are you mad at me?"

I think a little pee came out

I knew something major was up last night, because my husband crawled into bed with me. I waited for the Universe to explode or come to a screeching halt at the very least. When it didn't, I asked him what was up. He informed me that he's been thinking about moving out. Apparently, he's come to realize that his supreme asshole-ness (my word, of course, not his) is hurting me and the kids. So he needs to "change". Okay, I'm thinking. I'm all for that. Um, oh....wait a minute. He's thinking about moving out. Okay everyone - follow this line of thinking with me - he wants to change and become a good husband and father and he's going to accomplish this by moving out and away from his wife and kids. As one of my eyebrows shot up ala Mr. Spock, he informed me this would be a temporary seperation; just until he "got his head together". Now both eyebrows are giving Mr. Spock a run for his money. "What?" he says. "What are you thinking?" So I ask the obvious question - are you aware you're an asshole? No, no...I'm just kidding. I asked, "Um, so what do you hope to accomplish out on your own in order to change that you aren't able to accomplish here with the love and support of your wife and kids?" Stop now and take a minute to run to the bathroom before you read his answer. Go ahead.....I'll wait..... ....................................... Okay? Bladder empty? So he says, "I think I just need to be alone for awhile. I need some 'me' time" .. .. .. .. Okay, I'll admit it. I then committed the cardinal sin of wife-dom. I laughed at my husband. Just burst out, down deep from the belly, almost fall of the bed laughing. I couldn't help it. And there he is, sitting there with this wide-eyed innocent look on his face, going "what? what?" and that just made me laugh all the more.

Bitter Schmitter

My husband is only capable of two moods lately; depressed and irritable. I'm honestly not sure which is worse. And let me first point out that the definition of "lately" is about 4 years. Anyway, the depression comes with guilt and then I get the 3 or 4 phone calls at work throughout the day (just had one, can ya tell?) where he's crying and telling me how sorry he is that he's an asshole and he just feels so bad (good, I think). The irritability comes with definsiveness and then I get the If-I'm-such-a-bad-husband-why-are-you-still-here conversation. Or like 3am this morning, when the little one was up with a bad dream and wanted me and not him. This caused him to storm out of her bedroom, past me going in, and then throwing my pillows off the bed and across the room; then he sulked for the next hour.

Um, dickhead? Maybe if you spent more then 15 minutes a day with her....

But I don't waste my breath. We went through this with our boy too. He parents when it's convenient. For example, about once or twice a school year he'll yell at his son for not getting better grades and that's his idea of being involved with his son's schooling. I don't think he could tell you one of The Boy's teachers' names to save his life. And when The Boy has a problem, who do you think he comes to? And man, does it piss The Paperweight off. "What doesn't he share with me like he does with you?" Duh, cause I have a relationship with him?

I think that I may be a little jealous of my husband anyway. Both depression and irritability are luxuries that I can not afford. I would love love to hang around all day in my pajamas watching television. Or simply leave the house as the whim hits to drive around until I "felt better". Or wake up and simply decide that I wasn't going to work that day, just because I didn't feel like it.

On second thought, even though I may be a tad envious, I honestly can't say that I would love it. That's probably even obvious since, in fact, I don't do those things. I'm just not build that way. If something needs done, I do it. There is no whining or procrastination or thinking about how I just don't want to or it's not fair. Tough shit - as Nike says 'Just do it'.

I know what some of you may be thinking, what doesn't this bitter woman leave this asshole? As far as "stay or go" decisions, sometimes you have a choice, sometimes you don't. The choice you do have is to focus on the future, because time does have a way of working things out. I choose to focus on the future; mine and my kids'. That means I need to verbally vomit some of my bitterness in order to do that. So until the future comes....

I know my Super Mom cape is dirty, but I didn't have time to wash it

This is actually something I wrote almost three years ago, as you smart ones will catch when you look at the ages of my children. However, it still applies to today – and the 1,083 days in between. The reason for my blog? My therapist charges $90/hr…this is free. ************************** My day starts in the wee hours of the morning when I stagger out of bed towards the coffee pot (thank GOD for the person who invented automatic timers) so that I can get more then one eye open. I trip on Poe the cat on the way - he's reminding me to re-fill his food & water dishes. While filling my coffee cup, I start a bottle warming for my daughter and pack clean bottles into her diaper bag for the daycare. I also pack a lunch for myself because I will be working through my lunch break (again). I then pull the porkchops out of the fridge, that I had defrosted the night before, and set it to cook in the crockpot w/ mushroom gravy for dinner that night. I write a note to The Paperweight asking him to start the instant mashed potatoes to go with it. I then stumble to the shower, tripping on the cat again before I throw him outside, remembering that I still need to make posters for my son to take to school. I've been looking for a week for a new home for Poe because my daughter has developed allergies. After showering and dressing, I then wake up the 11 yr old so that he can take his shower and get ready for school. I go outside to start up the car (February in Pittsburgh takes at least a 1/2 hr warm up). Upon returning, and letting the cat back in, I again wake up the 11 yr old and tell him to take a shower. I then wake-up my husband by turning on the TV - he sits in bed flicking between Sports Center and CNN. On the way to wake up my daughter, I again wake up The Boy and tell him to take a shower. I get The Girl up, changed, dressed, and shove a bottle in her mouth then hand her over to her dad (who is still in bed mumbling at the TV). I then return to The Boy's room, strip off all of his blankets, turn on all of his lights, and tell him that if he doesn't go get in the shower this second, I will return with ice cubes. He stumbles towards the bathroom. I leave for work. After my 1 1/2 hour commute to work, I arrive at the office. It is 7am. I'm at work from 7am to 4pm. On a normal day, in that time, I attend at least one meeting, draw for several hours, rip my pantyhose, answer bidders' questions, unjamb the printer twice, have an owner change an entire floorplan and/or up a deadline, listen to 3 sexist comments, fight with a co-worker, wish about 50 times that I hadn't quit smoking, edit spec. manuals, and field questions from my mother's company because they want me to do work for them on the side (in my spare time and pro bono, of course)....And if I'm having a really good day, I may even have to go outside to take some field measurements. It is February in Pittsburgh after all. I eat lunch at my desk while answering emails or returning phone calls - most of which are from The Paperweight, who has an urgent need to tell me on a daily basis how bored he is - so bored that he needs to 'get the hell out of this place and find a new job' (the fact that this is the fourth company he has worked for in less then eight years is another topic for another day). I also call to schedule myself a dentist appointment - then call my husband's insurance company to find out why they didn't pay for my last dentist appointment - then call my husband to find out why he didn't give the insurance company the information they requested the last time I called.....He didn't have time. I leave work promptly at 4pm and drive to my daughter's daycare. I arrive a little after 5, pack up my daughter's thing, inquire about her day, pack her & her things in the car. As I'm traveling up my driveway, I pass my son who is playing football in the neighbor's yard - he's not wearing a coat, hat or gloves - it's 18 degrees. I send him home to retrieve warmer attire, stop to get the mail, and drag baby, diaper bag and briefcase into the house. It's 6pm. I drop the diaper bag, mail and briefcase onto the dining room table. I shrug out of my coat and take The Girl out of her snowsuit. With baby on hip, I hang up coats, sort through the mail, check the answering machine, let the cat out, straighten up the living room, empty the diaper bag, clean up the wet boot tracks from the floor that The Boy left while coming in to get his coat, let the cat back in and check on dinner in the crockpot. I hear The Paperweight calling from the bedroom. He's sitting in front of the computer (setting his line-up for fantasy hockey) and yelling at CNN. I kiss him hello, make the bed and then plunk down The Girl on the covers. I set off....I check The Boy's back pack for notes from school and to confirm that he really doesn't have any homework, find out that he does, and set off to strangle him, I mean make him do his homework - I also tell him to straighten his room before something crawls out and gets the baby. I set the table for dinner and heat up babyfood for The Girl. I pick up some dirty clothes off the floor, straighten the bathroom and snag dirty dishes from the bedrooms. I tell The Boy to clean up his room. I lay out The Girl's clothes for the next day, help The Boy to pick out his clothes, and tell him to clean up his room. I then go get The Girl and start feeding her while hubby makes the instant mash potatoes......... Dinner...... The Paperweight is back in front of the computer or the TV (usually both) and The Boy is off either playing or finishing homework. I talk to The Girl in her highchair while cleaning off the table. She plays on the floor with her toys while I put away the stuff from the dishrack, then start washing the dinner dishes. I take out the overflowing garbage. I then wash all of the bottles and set them to dry for the next day. I take steak out of the fridge to defrost. I give The Girl her bath, dress her in pjs, give her a bottle and put her in bed. I set out my clothes for the next day and make sure everything I need is in my briefcase. I confirm that The Boy's room is clean, homework is done and his clothes are laid out. I have him get ready for bed and tuck him in. I get in my pjs, grab a beer out of the fridge, climb into bed, ask The Paperweight to turn down the TV and promptly fall asleep........ It's 9:30pm.

Sucked...

into blog world...