I'd rather have a new hammer
So at one point early this week, I was once again in a minor snit over some non-major but highly asinine thing The Paperweight had done. You would think after 13 1/2 years I would have totally gotten used to it by now, but thing is, I never did. I'm forever asking, occasionally myself but often out loud, the eternal question
WHY?!?!
Why does The Paperweight insist on making life difficult for his kids and the mother of his kids? Why does he consistently make promises we know he will never keep? Why does he insist on lying about the stupidest stuff that is soooo easy to confirm or deny? Why is never on time with the child support? Why does he insist on screaming in your ear when you answer the phone? And a million other everyday annoying/ frightening/ evil things he is and/or does.... Why? WHY? WHY?!
This week, after years of asking, therapy, meditation, and prayer, I finally received the answer. Surprisingly (or not) it came from The Boy, who looked at me during my minor snit with one incredulous eyebrow raised and calmly said,
"Dad's a tool"
huh?
The Boy rolls his eyes, speaking slowly as if I had minor brain damage,
"He's a tool. He acts like a tool. He acts like a tool because he is a tool. Birds act like birds. Fish act like fish. Dad acts like a tool."
The Boy should be President, you know.
So the good new is, I no longer have to, literally or figuratively, beat my head against the wall trying to figure out The Paperweight and/or his motives. The bad news? He is such a tool.
posted by ƒåυνέ @ 1:50 PM
14 Comments:
He is such a tool!!
I still think you'll bang your head against the wall, but I'm always here with a bottle of vodka (okay, you have the bottle, but so what!) and a nice, sturdy fork.
I learned something new today. Apparently I work with at least one tool. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
Lori's ex is a tool. (I can't wait to tell her to read your blog) My advice to you is the same I give to her.
1- if his mouth is open..he's lying
2- never ever depend on him
3- let him talk to voicemail instead of you (you can always call back)
4- he will never change
5- I repeat..he will NEVER change...so stop expecting him too
cheer up, the Steelers are 3-0
Madison has a good point. I learned that my ex makes promises he completely forgets about. Thankfully my son learned that a few years back as well. I didn't even have to tell him.
And just remember -- once those beautiful kids of yours are 'of age', your contact with that tool will decrease significantly. Heck, moving away will decrease it by a lot as well. So there's light at the end of the tunnel!
I laughed right out loud at that one. So true, so true!
Out of the mouths of babes.
Oh my...sounds like something my nieces would say about their dad.
A tool .. a TOOL! You always have me ROLF. It was even funnier to read the Urban Dictionary definition. I love your honesty, candidness and keeping it real!
well i'm glad we cleared THAT up! (note sarcasm). that gorgeous big fella of yours is definitely a smart one. has he thought about being a psychologist some day? (seriously).
If your happy and you know it clap your hands.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9vNSA0WNlw&mode=related&search
I laughed so hard coffee shot out of my nose, thanks for a good morning laugh.
The boy is brilliant, me thinks!
Now, on to solving world hunger.
I'm picturing the State of the Union address if your son were President: "People of the nation, don't act like tools. Like my Dad.'
Wow, the boy sure got that one quickly! It took us a lot longer, but nowadays my sister and I "bet" on whether dad will pull one up or not =P
After awhile it does get humorous.
Mike does make some good points. They have certainly helped me in the past. I'm still waiting for a change in the law.
I think it should be legal to shoot Tools. If not maybe just wave the weapon over thier heads till they wet themselves.
I have to agree, the Boy is brilliant, I'd also look at future situations through his eyes. He seems to take a very laid-back, simple approach to problems.
This is the fourth time I have read this post I have just loaded you into my shiny new toy "Google Reader" I am such a geek and I read it again and I laughed as much this time as I did the first time I read it...
I almost feel sympathy for Paperweight, in the same way as you feel sorry for the stupid monkey at the back of the pack who hasn't learnt the people pointing and making stupid faces throw food at you so he eats his own shit....
Simply he is a tool
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