Fork in the Head Friday: The Verizon Sucks Edition

As The Thing was in charge of finding and purchasing our new home, I was put in charge of all things utilities. There were no problems except for one minor mention, about 2 weeks ago, when I spoke with Verizon about new phone service, that the previous owners still had service coming to the house and I should inquire as to whether they wanted it cancelled or transferred.
A series of emails and/or phone calls through the real estate agents informed me that the previous owners had transferred their phone service when they moved to their new house...more then a year ago. So I let it drop.
This week, the morning of the Closing in fact, I find a voicemail message on my cell from Verizon stating that the previous owners still had service coming to the house blah blah and to call them back as this could delay my service being connected.
Now they had my attention.
So as this is the day of the Closing, I actually get to talk to the previous owners in person and used the opportunity to ask them myself about the phone service. They reiterate what was passed through the real estate agents...transferred more then a year ago yada yada... just tell them cancel it then because they are clueless.

The next day I called Verizon who stated that despite what the owners said, there was phone service being provided to the house AND they couldn't cancel it because the service wasn't through them but rather a different company.

[side note: I got the name of the other company and later called the previous owners and they said not only didn't they ever have service with this company, they had never even heard of this company before]

So Verizon gave me two options:
Option 1: Convince the old owners to cancel this service (perhaps the company name would help refresh their memories) though I never got that far because then the woman gave me
Option 2: If I couldn't get this other service cancelled, Verizon would “be forced” to install our phone line as a second phone line and we would be billed extra each month for having two phone lines….

Now I told The Thing that I was all polite and stuff. I'm sure he didn't believe a word I said because he knows me, but he loves me and stuff so he lets me tell blatant lies that make me feel better about myself.
But to you, dear and faithful reader whom I have never met (except for Girlfriend who knows I take NO amount of bullshit from ANYONE), yes, to you I will admit I totally flipped the fuck out on this woman.

So I say to the saleswoman, because even though I'm pretty sure she's fucking me, my hair isn't being pulled so I'm wondering if perhaps I'm just misunderstanding, let me get this straight...Verizon doesn’t own this line and doesn’t have any control over it in order to shut it off, but you'll make money off of it by charging me for it? What the fuck makes you think you can charge me for something you don't own and for which I can never use?
She says to me; I’m sorry but that’s the way it works and there is no way around it. Since technically there are two services being provided to the house, we have to bill you for two.
To which I said, I'm getting water service to the house too...is that going to be added to my Verizon bill as well?
To which she started to get snotty so I interrupted stating that since I knew that this was probably being taped, I wanted to say [insert shit about Verizon and the people who worked there, questioning the sales woman's ancestry, and the word fuck a dozed times or so] and from me – a potential client, who probably won’t get service through you now because you're fucking me over – that this is bad business plain and simple.

I then talked to my cable provider and found out they could give me unlimited phone service for an additional $8 a month. I promptly took that deal then called Verizon back and told them to perform an illegal sex act.
Oh, and cancelled my account too.