He knows you're not going to the bunk house*
So The Paperweight caught me with my guard down one evening last week. He called to talk to the kids and made the mistake of asking, "How's work?" 30 minutes later, he was quite sympathetic to my plight and asked what I was planning on doing about it; ie. find a new job, etc. My mind raced and I thought, what the hell, now is as good a time as any...
Me: Um, well, I know you're not going to want to hear this but...
Paperweight: Yeah, I know.
[long pause]
Me: Well, you know how The Thing and I feel about each other. And jobs are plentiful there...
Paperweight: Yeah, I know....I've been wanting to talk to you about that.
[longer pause]
Me: Do you want to talk about it now or this weekend?
Paperweight: Let's talk about it this weekend.
So Saturday night, I told The Paperweight that this time next year, I'd be packing up the kids and moving to another state to be with Thing. In all honesty, I was a little impressed. He certainly took it better then I would have, even commenting, "Far be it for anyone, especially me, to tell you how to live your life" and "You don't owe me anything, not even an explaination." He was very adament, which is his right, about how much he wants to be able to still see the kids on a regular basis. This is the only time he sounded the least bit defensive - as if he were expecting me to argue the point. I quickly assured him that these were his kids, they would always be his kids, I had put a lot of thought in to the matter, and would do my part to maintain the relationship.
Neither of us have mentioned it since then, but things haven't been 'weird' either. I was worried that once he had a chance to think about it that he would turn in to a dick, but so far, so good.
I'm still holding my breath a little. Part of me had thought it would be better to wait until closer to time...so as he had less time to make trouble. However, the opportunity arose, and if meeting The Thing has taught me anything, it's that if something feels right - go for it. This (the timing) felt right. And perhaps the next year will give him the chance to get used to the idea.
Or me plenty of time to hide his body if he doesn't...
*If there is actually someone who knows where this quote is from, I will be muy impressed. I'd offer a prize, but I'm lazy...maybe I'll just pimp your blog for you. Or if you're blogless, I'll sing your praises.
posted by ƒåυνέ @ 12:42 PM
12 Comments:
Not a clue on the quote...but then I suck at trivia.
So far so good and paperweight I just hope he doesn't try to make it hard on you (or guilt the kids) later.
I'm gonna guess that the quote is from "Oklahoma!"
And the Paperweight may be relieved that he'll have much less responsibility with the kids and you out of the area.
Not Oklahoma...that would have been too easy. Besides, it didn't occur to me, lol.
And I thought of that too. Though I, of course, would never say that to him.
I know this is not what you are going to want to hear..but personally I think it is uncontionable for you to move your children away from their Father. I am sure "the thing" is a wonderful man and you can't wait to marry him and make him a permanent part of your life. Children need their fathers in their life, and not just on vacations... right now you and he seem to live in fairly close proximity and that is nothing but good for your children. It's a shame that you are going to make this move. Your children should come first, not your desires. This is the wrong thing to do. Just my opinion, coming from my own experience with exactly the same thing. I certainly hope this works out like you hope.
Jackie, thank you for stopping by - all opinions are welcome here. But you are obviously new to this blog...
If you were a regular, you would know that my kids have seen their father threaten to kill me, my boy for years...and abuse me, physically, mentally and verbally...And that is anything BUT good for my children.
In my opinion, what children need is a good male role model. And, unfortunately, that is not always their father. This move is just as much for my kids, as it is for me.
I beg your pardon, you are correct. I had not thought I was too new ( as I am mostly just a reader and not a commenter), but new enough I guess to have missed those posts. I stand corrected. The exception of course,would most certainly be an abusive situation. I spoke without knowledge. I hope you will excuse my ignorance.
No problem.
And I still try very hard (because it is hard, lol) to not say anything bad about their father in front of them - one of the main reasons I started this blog. As long as he continues to treat them well, I don't think it is my place to interfere with their relationship. If when they are older (though The Boy is getting to that point himself, I've noticed) they decide they don't want a relationship due to his asshole-ness, then that needs to be their choice, not mine.
However, I'm glad they have someone stable in their lives as well.
We love ya Fauve and think you are doing a great job. I just have one question..who's the stable one?
~madison runs and hides~ lol
What happened to my comment? I commented yesterday and it's not here....:-(
I didn't see one...I even checked my email log. Maybe blogger was being glitchy? Sorry!
Good for you for getting that discussion out of the way. After the ex's many issues, I would want to grant him very few rights...but the one to have a good relationship with his kids is still there, thanks to you. He may just be a better father if he isn't constantly present in their lives (yeah, I know). And a happy mother is the best thing for children, in my opinion.
And kudos Jackie. You stated an opinion without being accusing and when fauve let you know some details you weren't aware of, you apologized, no bite-back. What great women we are! ;)
Life moves on, i'm just glad he's adapting to it and not giving you crap.
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