7:15 am

I have a casual friend who dropped out of sight for a while. He just recently returned and I found that he had himself hospitalized for a few months. You see, three months ago, his 21 year old son committed suicide.
As a mom, I can't imagine. More honestly, I don't even want to imagine.

As I watch him struggle with the loss, the pain, his identity and concept of God, it forces me to look at my own thoughts. 'Pat' answers are not my forte to begin with and I certainly would never dream of undermining what he is going through by doing that. But what do you say to ease the pain? How do you give answers that you yourself sometimes struggle with?

While I will phooey religion at every opportunity, I am a devote follower of God. Not 'believer', because that's bullshit. In my opinion, that's like saying, "I believe it will rain today." ie, you aren't sure but you think so. I'm sure. I could site facts and reasoning but does it matter? I'm sure many would come up with "reasonable explanations" to 'prove' that what I say is bullshit. And that's a discussion I never have. You know why? It doesn't matter. It's not my job to convince anyone of anything.

So my point? I don't fucking have one. Do I really need one anyway?
I can give you some great philosophical sounding bullshit about 'living each day to it's fullest' and 'live every day as if it's your last' and yada fucking yada. Who hasn't heard that a million times? And how many people do you know who actually do that? I know I sure as hell don't. Do you think if I knew I'd die tonight or tomorrow that I'd be sitting in my office right now? Or that I would have bothered staying up late last night to paint my toenails?

Would you be sitting here right now in front of your computer reading these words if you knew this was your last day on Earth?

Do you honestly want to know what gets me through each day?
My being late for work.

Yep, sounds simple, eh? No joke though. I'm supposed to start work at 7am but several months ago, I was running late one day and had the chance to see something new. I've been late almost every single day since then.
A few blocks down from my office building is another office building. Every morning at 7:15 am, an employee of that other building, before entering, stands outside the front of the building and prays. He stands, hands upraised, before God and anyone this side of the City of Pittsburgh. What he prays for I, of course, do not know. And I would be fine with never knowing.
You see, it touches me deeply every time. He has no fear of ridicule for doing what he believes. He has enough faith to make him devote to his daily ritual. He is one lone man...but where there is one...

It gives me hope.

And hope, is something this world needs more of.