Me love you long time

All of you with your pregnancy talk, just hush. You trying to jinx me or something? Besides, when I had my tubal done, I vowed to my doctor that if I ever became pregnant I’d track him down and punch him in the head then sue him for child support. So I’m pretty sure, he did a good job.

So yes, after 2 months of calling and faxing requests, my old doctor finally sent my records to the new doctor. It took having someone from the records department at the new place calling up and doing some yelling, but it worked. Old Doc faxed the records the next day and I finally got to see the New Doc yesterday. Of course, we still have the insurance issue to work out (ie. no one in this state accepts mine) so yesterday (with visit and a ton of lab work) cost me approx. $250 but it was well worth it.

After The Girl was born, I started having a bunch of symptoms, got tests done and was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. For those who don’t know, perfect levels should be between 0 and 2. Levels between 3 and 4 they “watch”. When I was originally diagnosed, I was at a 7 and put on medication. Life was good. Things I didn’t even know were connected, got better. Bad things happen when I’m not on this medication. Unfortunately, it’s also hard to recognize the symptoms of a bad thyroid because they can also be blamed on other things – like quitting smoking, stress, moving twice in two months, stress, changing relationship, stress, etc.

Get the picture?
So I just got a call from New Doc who informed me she got my lab results back and I’m an 8.5
Yep, a big fat 8.5
I’ll go pick up a higher dose prescription today.

I also have more tests, a complete physical, and my 6 month Squamous Cell checkup scheduled for next week. I’m going to have to start hookin’ to pay for it but it will be well worth it. Any takers?

Go ahead, guess

Guess who has a doctor's appointment this morning?

:)

Now let's see if they were worth the 2 1/2 month wait.

Seriously dude

My boobs have gotten bigger.

My back has been hurting a little more than normal but I blamed it on my new exercise regimen (that's a whole other blog entry). Then I kind of noticed that the-girls were getting in the way a little more than normal too. Water retention? don't think so..."that time" has come and gone.

Who has a growth spurt at this age?! Hm, I'm probably just being stupid.

Now, to all of you pain-in-the-asses who commented and/or emailed me about my last post....thank you for caring about me enough to share your concern. I didn't always agree with what people had to say (for the most part, actually) but that too is a whole other blog entry. Besides, I'm still not ready to 'discuss' publicly. But I did appreciate the good and thoughtful wishes.

And that did make me feel positive enough to discuss the issues with The Thing again. He didn't get/recognize most of what I was saying. So, I started pointing that shit out to him when he was actually doing it.

Last night, for example, he pulled one of his 'I'm going to ask you what you want and then do the exact opposite and then think everything's cool because at least I asked you what you wanted' deals. On a scale of 1 to 10 on it relating to a major issue it rated only a 2 but it's that kind of exact deal that he'll pull on 10's as well. So instead of me doing my grin-and-bear-it-then-blow-up-later deals, I pointed that shit out to him.

He had a little 'a-ha!' moment and we were able to discuss our issues some.

At least we did, until he looked at me and said, "Hey, have your boobs gotten bigger?"

If I knew then half of what I know now...

I’m doing something I’ve never done before and am shutting off comments. I just need to vent and I really don’t care to hear what anyone has to say.

I am so fucking unhappy.

There, I said it.
Most days I can get along just fine. The Pollyanna in me can make due in just about any situation (hence the very long marriage to The Paperweight). But then there are days like today where I just wait until The Thing leaves for work and sit and cry.
Yes, I’ve tried talking to him. I’m not completely stupid.
No, obviously that hasn’t helped or I wouldn’t be here crying, now would I?

I hate this city.
I hate this state.
I hate this house.
I hate this neighborhood.
I totally resent the fact that I had to move.
I hate that I had to get rid of most of my belongings in order to move.
I hate the fact that he didn’t.
I hate that I have, at most, only one personal belonging per room.
I hate the fact that I feel like a guest here.
I hate being home all day.
I hate being treated like I don’t work or do anything.
I hate the fact that his work, his family, his friends, and his hobbies all come before me.
I hate the fact that now that I am here, I am completely taken for granted.
I hate the fact that we talked more when I lived 3 hours away.
I hate the fact that I live here and have a degree in architecture, but my opinions on home remodel are ignored.
I hate the fact that, while I haven’t smoked, I have not been able to get through a single day since I moved without drinking.
And I hate that he doesn’t take any of this seriously.
And I hated it that when I said to him ‘if I knew then half of what I know now, I never would have moved’, he laughed.

And I hate that I know, that if I didn’t have two kids to think about, I would have moved back home already.
I resent that I’m trapped again.

I want my life back. I want my Thing back. I want things back the way they were.

And Lame-o was her Name-o

I'm terribly busy, terribly fat, terribly hormonal and on the verge of needing both a lawyer and some Prozac.

The good news is, I hit my 6 month smoke-free anniversary last week, both kids are registered for school and I haven't stuck my foot up anyone's ass.
This week.

Normal blogging will resume shortly.
Or I'll make margaritas again.
Which ever.