If I knew then half of what I know now...

I’m doing something I’ve never done before and am shutting off comments. I just need to vent and I really don’t care to hear what anyone has to say.

I am so fucking unhappy.

There, I said it.
Most days I can get along just fine. The Pollyanna in me can make due in just about any situation (hence the very long marriage to The Paperweight). But then there are days like today where I just wait until The Thing leaves for work and sit and cry.
Yes, I’ve tried talking to him. I’m not completely stupid.
No, obviously that hasn’t helped or I wouldn’t be here crying, now would I?

I hate this city.
I hate this state.
I hate this house.
I hate this neighborhood.
I totally resent the fact that I had to move.
I hate that I had to get rid of most of my belongings in order to move.
I hate the fact that he didn’t.
I hate that I have, at most, only one personal belonging per room.
I hate the fact that I feel like a guest here.
I hate being home all day.
I hate being treated like I don’t work or do anything.
I hate the fact that his work, his family, his friends, and his hobbies all come before me.
I hate the fact that now that I am here, I am completely taken for granted.
I hate the fact that we talked more when I lived 3 hours away.
I hate the fact that I live here and have a degree in architecture, but my opinions on home remodel are ignored.
I hate the fact that, while I haven’t smoked, I have not been able to get through a single day since I moved without drinking.
And I hate that he doesn’t take any of this seriously.
And I hated it that when I said to him ‘if I knew then half of what I know now, I never would have moved’, he laughed.

And I hate that I know, that if I didn’t have two kids to think about, I would have moved back home already.
I resent that I’m trapped again.

I want my life back. I want my Thing back. I want things back the way they were.