Good P.R.

Those of you who have been here since the beginning, or since this time last year at least, will remember the name Eduardo. No, no...not Eduardo #2 the married jerk nor the last Eduardo (#3) who dumped my ass but the orginal Eduardo who started it all. For those who weren't here, or to refresh your memories, here's the back story.

I met Eduardo through an online dating service a year ago this month. I hadn't been on a date in like 14 years so he was my foray into the dating world.
He was very handsome, well educated, employed and wanted absolutely nothing serious what so ever. Perfect! My divorce wasn't even final yet and still had plenty of relationship issues myself...but I was, uh, looking for some fun...And Eduardo met my needs nicely.
We certainly liked each other, had some nice dates and great conversation but...
Okay, let's be honest, shall we? We were fuck buddies. We both knew it, we discussed it, we had no expectations put on each other, we could date others if we wanted and that was the end of it.
This went on for a few months until I fell head-over-heels for Eduardo #3. I broke it off with Eduardo saying, basically, "I want to see what happens with this guy and that will be easier to do if I'm not fucking you while I'm dating him". Eduardo was very cool about it, asked if we could still be friends and wished me the best of luck. A few things happened:
1) We actually did remain friends and talk & email often.
2) Almost immediately after this conversation, Eduardo #3 dumped me.
3) Less then a month after that, I met The Thing.
4) Eduardo thinks that The Thing, is the one I broke it off for.

So Eduardo called last night to catch-up. We've both been busy lately and have been playing phone tag for a week now. We had your standard work-family-hobby-latest-gossip kind of conversation. Until the end.
As we were getting ready to hang up, he hesitates then says, "You know, I'm sorry I wasn't able to give you a relationship. You are a great person and deserve to be treated well. And I'm really sorry I wasn't able to do that. Thing is very lucky."
After thanking him for his kind words, I pointed out that he never treated me badly and the lack of relationship was a mutual agreement. He hesitantly agreed...then proceeded to sing my praises for a little while longer. Normally something I'd be all for....but some of his praises were, um, of a 'personal' nature...which started to make me uncomfortable.
So what did I do?
I yawned. Right in his ear.
Then excused myself and said good night.

It must be my potty mouth

I found this over at Thumper's site and had to check it out. Can't say I'm all that surprised...

He knows you're not going to the bunk house*

So The Paperweight caught me with my guard down one evening last week. He called to talk to the kids and made the mistake of asking, "How's work?" 30 minutes later, he was quite sympathetic to my plight and asked what I was planning on doing about it; ie. find a new job, etc. My mind raced and I thought, what the hell, now is as good a time as any...

Me: Um, well, I know you're not going to want to hear this but...
Paperweight: Yeah, I know.
[long pause]
Me: Well, you know how The Thing and I feel about each other. And jobs are plentiful there...
Paperweight: Yeah, I know....I've been wanting to talk to you about that.
[longer pause]
Me: Do you want to talk about it now or this weekend?
Paperweight: Let's talk about it this weekend.

So Saturday night, I told The Paperweight that this time next year, I'd be packing up the kids and moving to another state to be with Thing. In all honesty, I was a little impressed. He certainly took it better then I would have, even commenting, "Far be it for anyone, especially me, to tell you how to live your life" and "You don't owe me anything, not even an explaination." He was very adament, which is his right, about how much he wants to be able to still see the kids on a regular basis. This is the only time he sounded the least bit defensive - as if he were expecting me to argue the point. I quickly assured him that these were his kids, they would always be his kids, I had put a lot of thought in to the matter, and would do my part to maintain the relationship.
Neither of us have mentioned it since then, but things haven't been 'weird' either. I was worried that once he had a chance to think about it that he would turn in to a dick, but so far, so good.
I'm still holding my breath a little. Part of me had thought it would be better to wait until closer to time...so as he had less time to make trouble. However, the opportunity arose, and if meeting The Thing has taught me anything, it's that if something feels right - go for it. This (the timing) felt right. And perhaps the next year will give him the chance to get used to the idea.
Or me plenty of time to hide his body if he doesn't...

*If there is actually someone who knows where this quote is from, I will be muy impressed. I'd offer a prize, but I'm lazy...maybe I'll just pimp your blog for you. Or if you're blogless, I'll sing your praises.

It's just too bad the Starfuckers Inc. lyrics didn't work because I love that song

Besides, any time you can work "Starfuckers, Inc." in to a post is pretty cool in my book.

Okay, guess I should actually vent. Otherwise I'm going to instigate a mutiny here at the office. Of course, that could be kind of fun. We could all dress up like pirates and shit. I could persuade Johnny Depp to come decked out in his Captain Jack Sparrow duds and help us out.

Much drinking of rum would ensue and I would persuade both Johnny and The Thing that a three-way marriage really could work. And I'd be whisked away from the asshole of the universe (ie. my office) to live in blissful harmony with my true love, a bottle of rum, and kinky three-way sex. [sigh]

Well, a girl can dream, can't she?

Wait, where was I?

Oh, yes. Work sucks. I can't go into details, of course, but...
I've had mentioned that my current Project Manager is a cunt. Well, that wasn't entirely fair. To one's cunt. At least my own. She's more like a big ole nasty hooker's cunt that is currently undergoing treatment for a yeast infection.

You all should thank God now that I didn't insert a picture for that one, eh?

My company is currently "in transition". At least that's what they call it in the corporate world. For those of you who haven't been blessed with the privilege of sitting in your own 6' x 10' personal hell, I'll explain:

tran·si·tion (trān-zĭsh'ən, -sĭsh'-)

1. Passage from one form, state, style, or place to another. Passage from one subject to another in discourse. A word, phrase, sentence, or series of sentences connecting one part of a discourse to another.
2. In music: A modulation, especially a brief one. A passage connecting two themes or sections.
3. In genetics: A point mutation in which a pyrimidine is replaced by another pyrimidine, or a purine is replaced by another purine.
4. In sports: The process of changing from defense to offense or offense to defense, as in basketball or hockey.
5. In childbirth: A period during childbirth that precedes the expulsive phase of labor, characterized by strong uterine contractions and nearly complete cervical dilation.

6. In the office: A period during a phase of strong labor in which the bosses fire a lot of experienced people, hire a lot of 12 year olds, and use the money saved from yearly salaries to give themselves large bonuses to fund vacations to Italy.

Starfuckers, Inc.

Yep, that's work...

"Every Day Is Exactly The Same"
by Nine Inch Nails

I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around

Oh, no

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I'm still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

Random

I passed a car on the ride home today with a vanity plate that said VOLTRON. I couldn't swear to it, of course, but I'd bet money he was single.

********************************

Who I'm currently listening to...

********************************

You should totally go to Bust and rate me. I'm curious to see where I end up. I'm doing pretty well at a 9.33 (out of 10) but considering there have only been 3 people who have given me a rating thus far...well...you know...

********************************

This post still has me aghast with emotion several days later. While I know my situation is by no means unique, it was still kind of shocking to see my soul laid bare on someone else's blog. I've been trying to explain my 'relationship' with The Paperweight to The Thing for the last 8 months and have been unsuccessful. So I just sent him a copy of this post instead.

********************************

I told Thing about the 12 things list. He told me I should now do a list of 12 things I don't like about him. Honestly, I can't think of 1. How much of a schmoopey dork am I?

********************************

I really need to blog about work. Things are bad. Perhaps I'll do that tomorrow.

********************************

It's taken me 2 hours to get to this point because I was on the phone with The Thing.

********************************

I'm 95% sure that the 3 Hole Punch is the woman that The Paperweight was cheating on me with, hence his reason for not telling me about her and for his now not wanting me to meet her.

********************************

Chocolate chips are one of the best inventions ever.

********************************

I am the queen of notes. I live by them. If I didn't write shit down, I would be lost on a daily basis. I have a note sitting here written on the back of a Dairy Queen napkin. It says simply 'spoon'. Any ideas?

12 Things about The Thing

Someone suggested that since I'm unmotivated to think up anything on my own that I do a '12 things' list about The Thing. I tried not to do basic information kind of stuff because that's boring. Anyway...I present to you, The Thing:

1. I've been to music stores that don't have as much music as The Thing has. Seriously. He's been putting his cds on his computer(s) because he didn't have room for them all. He has a Mac, a pc and 3 external hard drives. He sent me an Excel file which lists all of the songs he has copied over so far; 47,146. He still has entire 4 shelf bookcase to go. Plus anything he buys in the meantime.

2. He's addicted to toothpicks. He used to smoke on occassion, like when he was drinking, but hasn't touched one in many months. Instead, he chews on toothpicks. All the time. I love to lean in to kiss him while he's chewing on one just to watch him. He flips it up and over back into his mouth and into his cheek so it's out of the way solely with his tongue.

3. He's also addicted to skin care. That man has a line of products that shames my own...he will never age.

4. Whenever I get on a funny/smartass-y roll, he starts singing the circus theme song and says 'It's the Fauve show!'. Cracks me up every time.

5. He hates cheese. Not even the taste, because I don't think he's ever even tried it. Just the whole look, smell, concept of cheese grosses him out.

6. He buys and keeps cheese in his refrigerator because he knows I like it. However, he keeps it in one of the drawers, all by itself, so it won't touch anything else in his fridge.

7. Plays the guitar and has the most amazing singing voice. However, he is terribly shy about it. The first time I heard him singing and playing, it was quite by accident. I was just getting out of the shower and he was in the other room listening to music - one of my favorite cds. I was singing along while I fixed my hair until I heard the music stop suddenly...and restart...
Yep, it had been Thing. He was fucking amazing. Unfortunetly, he stopped as soon as I came out of the bathroom. It took months (*see #11) for him to sing in front of me.

8. Thing is a Taurus. However, from what I've read, he seems to have all the good Taurus traits and none of the bad. Score for me!

9. Same goes for being the First-born....

10. Thing has the ability to laugh at himself and life. If he makes a mistake, has a quirk, or something bad happens...he deals with it. Well. And can see the humor in anything. This is one of my favorite things about him and is something I am not at all used to seeing in anyone, especially someone I'm dating.
Thing left a voicemail message for me at work one day. He was driving down the road and one of his tires fell off. Due to this, he ended up going through an intersection in to oncoming traffic on three wheels. I saved the message and replayed it for weeks, whenever I found myself getting stressed out. His reaction to the whole incident was classic Thing. While obviously shaken with his near death experience, in the process of telling the story, he made a joke about it; "I'll call you after I replace my tire. Maybe I can still catch mine before it rolls down to the bottom of the hill." And he laughed.

11. He is the most romantic person I've ever known. My favorites are the little things like buying cheese for my visits or during the winter when he used to draw little hearts in the snow on my car or like just now when I received a text message from him...he's been counting down the time until he arrives at my house tonight.
Then there's the make-your-heart-melt stuff like the time he borrowed Thing 2's house one weekend he was out of town...you know, the house from the night we met. Thing took me out to dinner & a show, then took me to 2's house for the night...and he sang to me. [sigh] yep, for almost an hour he played the guitar and sang to me some of our favorite songs.

12. Even though he must be curious as hell, he respects me enough that he has never read this blog...with the exception of a few posts I sent him. And that is so fucking cool.

Fuck it

I don't really feel like writing yet, but maybe if I just start typing, it will begin to flow. Or not. Which would suck for you guys. I do think I know what the problem is though. It's not anything to do with the blog. This is just a symptom, as it were. My 'lack of motivation' is really just a whole 'I don't give a flying fuck' attitude that I've developed. And I haven't yet decided if this is good or bad. Let me explain...

I have a blog that I developed to vent about my lazy ass (ex)husband = I don't really give a flying fuck anymore because what's really important is that I'm marrying the man of my dreams and will be with him (finally) next year.

The Manager on my current project is a total cunt = I don't really give a flying fuck anymore because what's really important is that I'm marrying the man of my dreams and will be with him (finally) next year.

My company is in transition and there is a big important 2 hour meeting about it today = I don't really give a flying fuck anymore because what's really important is that I'm marrying the man of my dreams and will be with him (finally) next year.

Paris Hilton is in and out of jail/pretty much any current event = I don't really give a flying fuck anymore because what's really important is that I'm marrying the man of my dreams and will be with him (finally) next year.

Are you starting to see a pattern developing here?

It's kind of nice not to be stressed out anymore about stupid shit and the stuff I can't change. However, I worry (um, that's too strong a word...I need a word in between 'wonder' and 'worry') that my attitude may be a little too flippant.

Ah, fuck it.

Blogger's Block

Actually, that's not entirely true. I have a few ideas and posts floating around in my head but haven't had the motivation to put anything in to a coherent thread. But I'm here; alive & well, in love & missing The Thing (who I won't see until this weekend), and all the other b.s. that goes with day-to-day life. I think I just need a vacation...

But mostly I'm just fucking off at work (my lack of motivation extending to more then just my blog) and checking out the sites on my blog list which I have been neglecting badly. And since I only have one meeting to attend today and plan on doing absolutely nothing besides, leave me the links, quickly before I'm forced to work again, to your favorite blogs so I may surf the day away.

Man...I can just feel the love...

I knew the exact moment she read my blog...

From: Girlfriend
Sent: Tuesday, June 05, 2007 3:00 PM
To: Fauve

SO WHAT THE FUCK DID HE SAY?!?!!?!?!?!

From: Fauve
Sent: Tuesday, June 05, 2007 3:03 PM
To: Girlfriend

Sorry...I cracked up laughing for a few minutes when I saw this pop up... wait.not done yet.......

From: Girlfriend
Sent: Tuesday, June 05, 2007 3:05 PM
To: Fauve
Fuck you, you bitch.

Yeah, and I know you feel her pain because I got 'fuck'ed more in those last comments then I have since...well, the weekend. Details? Um there aren't a whole lot to tell at this point. Except for the most important of all.

He said yes.

If you want to get specific, it went something like this:
Thing: I love you Fauve and I want nothing more then to be with you.
Me: I love you too. But that's not technically a 'yes I'll marry you', now is it?
Thing: [big grin] Yes, I will marry you.
Me: [big grin]
Us: [big schmoopy kiss]
Thing: [whispering] I will always say yes to you.

And what more do you really need to know? [sigh]

My 200th post

You know, kids say the darnedest things.

Last Wednesday, I was dropping off The Girl at Preschool when I was called over to the side by one of her teachers. Oh shit, I thought, what happened? That's old thinking from The Boy, who started getting in trouble at the age of 18 months (he wouldn't stop throwing sand at people and would hit other kids at the daycare) and hasn't stopped since. This was The Girl, however, so I should have known better.

Teacher: [with sly look on her face] 'Is there something we should know?'
Me: 'Um, I don't think so...What's up?'
Teacher: "Your daughter informed us yesterday, Ms. Fauve, that we need to start saving our flowers for the wedding."
Me: [with WTF?!?! look on my face]
Teacher: "The Girl says you're getting married. Are you getting married?" [grin on her face]
Me: [with WTF?!?! look on my face]
The Girl: [looking up at me with sheepish grin on her face]
Me: [with WTF?!?! look on my face]

I spent the weekend at The Thing's house, which is always nice and relaxing but especially this weekend in comparison to last weekend's 4 days with the kids. We went to see Junior Brown and spent a lot of time cuddling and being totally addicted to Six Feet Under (I just started Season 4 so shhhhhh! No spoiling shit for me).

Around lunch time Sunday, I remembered The Girl's story above and told Thing about it. His response? 'I like that idea' and a big grin on his face.
Me: [with WTF?!?! look on my face]

Now don't get me wrong. I had thought about marrying Thing before. I would be an absolute fucking idiot if I hadn't. I mean seriously folks, his worst quality is that he buys me & the kids too much stuff. However, we had a discussion the night we met in which he pretty much informed me that the marriage institution was a joke - you didn't need it to be committed and there are a lot of people who are married who aren't committed, so what was the point? And whenever asked, by myself or others, why he had never gotten married even though he had been in long term relationships, this would be his response as well. Now considering I had been married to a man who wouldn't know a committed relationship if it jumped up and bit him on his fat ass, and The Thing has been totally loyal and committed without a ring on his finger, this made complete sense to me so I was totally comfortable with his thought process...and it was pretty damn close to my own.

And now here he is all 'I like that idea' and a big grin on his face.

So I, being the smartass that I am and feeling quite playful because I was laying naked on his bed during this conversation, said 'Well then I should warn you that when I move down here next year, I'll make sure to propose to you.'

His back was mostly facing me and when I leaned forward a little, I saw the look on his face. Imagine a slightly embarrassed little boy...
on Christmas morning...
who had just gotten a puppy
and a new bike...

And my heart stopped.
Then soared.

So I rolled over towards him and said, 'Aw fuck it. I'm asking you now. Will you marry me?"